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Trauma & relationships

Abandonment issues: Signs and how to get help

Fear of being left behind can affect every relationship in your life. Learn what abandonment issues are, what causes them, and how to find support.

August 21, 2026

By the Headway Editorial Team • Clinically reviewed by Caitlin Pugh, LCSW

7 min read

By the Headway Editorial Team • Clinically reviewed by Caitlin Pugh, LCSW

When you love someone, you're also signing up for the chance of losing them. Most of us make peace with that. But for some, the fear of being left takes over.

Abandonment issues can color someone’s outlook on virtually every relationship in their life — not just romantic partnerships, but also friendships and connections with family. They may live with extreme worry about the fate of their relationships, push away potential partners and friends, or hesitate to form strong bonds at all. Social connection is a fundamental aspect of well-being, so living this way can be devastating.

If these patterns sound like you or someone you love, read on. We’ll discuss what abandonment issues are, where they come from, and the support available — because everyone deserves to love without fear.

What are abandonment issues?

At their core, abandonment issues are about fear of being left behind, rejected, or unloved. These fears can show up in different ways. One person with abandonment issues might avoid deep connections or cause relationships to end so they never have to be the one who is rejected. Someone else may become clingy or overly people-pleasing, in hopes of keeping loved ones close forever.

Oftentimes, these fears stem from early-life experiences, attachment problems with a primary parent, or childhood trauma. The attention someone gets from their caregivers as a baby begins to define their “attachment style” — that is, the way they form and behave in relationships throughout life. Children who don’t get consistent love and attention may go on to form “insecure” attachment styles, which can go hand-in-hand with abandonment issues, interpersonal difficulties, and mental health troubles.

That said, fear of abandonment is not an official mental health diagnosis; rather, it’s often considered a form of anxiety. It can also be an element of other diagnosable mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder.

Types of abandonment issues

Abandonment issues can take many forms. People of all ages fear abandonment, but it’s safe to say a six-year-old will express that fear differently than a 40-year-old. Even two people of similar ages may feel and behave quite differently from one another, depending on context and life experience.

Everyone is unique. But some common patterns related to abandonment issues include:

Emotional abandonment issues

People with predominantly emotional abandonment issues may be extremely worried about a loved one no longer caring for them. Individuals with this tendency may overreact to mild criticism or read into small slights, believing they’re signs of impending emotional abandonment. They may also seek constant reassurance about a loved one’s feelings.

Physical abandonment issues

Some people are afraid of being physically left behind. Children, for example, may struggle to be left with a babysitter or on their own, even for a short period of time. Or, an adult may worry that their partner is leaving them if they exit the room during a fight.

Complex abandonment issues

Complex abandonment issues may arise during or after situations that make someone feel abandoned, such as the death of a loved one, children leaving the home, or a partner suddenly having less time to dedicate to a romantic relationship.

This list isn’t exhaustive, nor are these patterns mutually exclusive. Abandonment issues can manifest in lots of different ways. A therapist can help you work through which are most relevant for you, as well as triggers that bring them on.

Signs of abandonment issues

Again, children and adults can both experience abandonment issues — but the same core fear can manifest differently depending on age and developmental stage. Here are some signs of abandonment issues to look for, in both children and adults.

Signs of abandonment issues in adults

  • Intense worry about rejection or loved ones leaving
  • Difficulty trusting loved ones
  • Low self-esteem or feeling unworthy of love
  • Having lots of superficial relationships rather than deeper ones
  • Sabotaging healthy relationships (i.e., pushing people away, picking fights) to be in control of their outcomes
  • Constantly seeking reassurance that they are loved — and looking for signs that people don’t like them
  • Going to great lengths to please others and/or lacking boundaries in relationships
  • Staying in unhealthy relationships rather than being alone

Signs of abandonment issues in children

  • Separation anxiety (i.e., feeling anxiety about parents leaving in advance of the situation)
  • Panic or extreme reactions when a caregiver is not present
  • Fear of being alone, even for short periods of time or during normal situations (like sleeping at night)
  • Need for constant reassurance from caregivers
  • Excessive clinginess
  • Difficulty making and maintaining friendships

What causes abandonment issues?

As with almost any mental health issue, there’s rarely a single event or trigger that causes abandonment issues.

Many people who struggle with fears of abandonment, however, have experienced some kind of loss or trauma over the course of their lives. Often, but not always, these events occur in childhood. Periods of extreme stress or distress can also worsen fears that may have previously sat below the surface.

It can be difficult to understand how past experiences or relationship patterns have contributed to present abandonment issues, as the link isn’t always obvious. A trained therapist can help you explore these connections — and learn to move forward.

Some factors that might come up during this work include:

Childhood neglect

Studies show that people whose caregivers were neglectful or emotionally unavailable may struggle with their emotions and interpersonal relationships later in life. Children whose caregivers don’t provide them with consistent love and care may develop insecure attachment styles, making it difficult to feel safe and secure in subsequent relationships.

Parental separation

Children whose parents were in conflict with one another may be at risk of developing abandonment issues, research shows. When parents or caregivers separate and one moves out, their child may internalize the idea that you can’t count on loved ones to stay. This fear can be especially intense if the child feels a divorce was their fault.

Parental death

Similarly, children who experience the death of a parent or caregiver may struggle with abandonment issues later in life. Studies show that the early-in-life death of a parent can have long-lasting effects on mental health and relationship quality.

Trauma or abuse

Abuse or trauma doesn’t have to occur in childhood to contribute to abandonment issues. Difficult adulthood experiences — such as the unexpected death of a loved one, infidelity or abuse in an intimate relationship, or even a particularly bad breakup — can also feed into abandonment trauma.

Common treatments for abandonment issues

The good news: If you’re struggling with abandonment issues, help is available. A trained therapist can help you get to the root cause of your abandonment issues, work through patterns of thought or behavior that make them worse, and develop coping strategies for the future.

Mental health treatment is never one-size-fits-all. It always depends on your unique symptoms, circumstances, and goals. But the below approaches are commonly used to address abandonment issues.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

A talk therapist can help you explore life experiences, both in childhood and later in life, that may contribute to fears of abandonment and other relationship difficulties. In addition to developing better self-understanding, your therapist can help you develop coping skills to lean on when difficult feelings arise.

Approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, may help you develop healthier thought patterns related to your relationship fears. And if your abandonment issues are related to another diagnosis, such as borderline personality disorder, your therapist will likely use approaches that treat the underlying condition.

Attachment-focused approaches

Some therapy techniques are specifically focused on developing healthier attachment styles, which can help address abandonment issues. Potential approaches include inner child work, which aims to heal old wounds from childhood; exercises meant to improve emotional and bodily awareness; and corrective emotional experiences, which are focused on creating safe spaces for expression.

Child and adolescent therapy

If your child is showing signs of abandonment issues, it’s worth consulting a licensed therapist who works with their age group. There are many therapeutic approaches that can be used with children experiencing abandonment fears, including play therapy, art therapy, and family therapy.

Finding support for abandonment issues

Recognizing that you or a loved one shows signs of abandonment issues is a critical first step. Once you identify the problem, you’re already on the path to feeling better.

If you’re looking for a therapist who treats abandonment issues, Headway is here to help. Our specialty is connecting people with experienced, empathetic therapists who accept insurance. You may be surprised by how easy and affordable it is to find great care through the Headway network, using the health benefits you already have. Search for a therapist who can treat abandonment issues today.

This content is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical, legal, financial, or professional advice. All decisions should be made at the discretion of the individual or organization, in consultation with qualified clinical, legal, or other appropriate professionals.

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Trauma & relationships